Tuesday, February 26, 2013

My 23rd BaD, My 500th and Final Blog End of Six Blogging Years Feb 23, 2013 4:16PM PST

If you want to skip boring reminiscing about my life while I was at 1up, skip below to shout outs to the people I've known on here. You might see your name, or an old one you recognize.
Also note that my 1up archive will be at joemikestep.blogger.com, you can add me and chat in the 1up facebook group with me by adding Jimothy Jackson on facebook, and my new blogs will be at Pixlbit.com. See comment below.
Update 2/24/2013: Technically, I have an IGN Profile, homerbundy, but I don't use it, also expect BaD 24: Movie Games, up on Pixlbit sometime today
Well, when I started blogging here, I was sixteen. My first blog was one comparing the three main contenders in the console wars as if they were political parties. It will now live on the Google Blogger account I've made to archive my 1up blogs.
As of this writing, I've got two-hundred of what will be five-hundred blogs, over a roughly six year period on here as of this writing, archived, and since I didn't learn of (or remember, anyway) the "save page as" feature on Firefox and Chrome until my visit to the 1up Facebook group today, where I've been suggesting in messages and my previous blog we all go to post our new blogs in a central hub, because I'm afraid I will not keep up with every random blogsite people go to after the servers are down, I've been having to make parenthetical notes of what pictures and videos are missing from what I've archived. Oh well. Now I know lol.
Now, as this website comes to an end, I'm only a month away from turning twenty three on March 23rd, 2013, playing at my superstition of the number three. The fact I'm ending it all on February 23rd, on my 23rd BaD entry is my own way of playing at my superstition. Ha!
When I started writing on this website, my profile picture was one of my cat, Clinger, sprawled out near a couple weights, in bad focus. Like 1up, I knew eventually something would happen, but always kind of assumed he'd be around forever, anyway.
He's now fifteen years old and we are trying to manage his kidney trouble as his health declines. By the way GH, if you still have the jpeg from that video you made for 1up, I'd appreciate it, we've been looking for old pictures of him.
When I started writing on this website, I was all excited that it seemed to be a place for serious writers, because at the time, every one talked about games, but there was also several poetry and just plain story blogs. I said as much to a girl I was fond of in high school who also wanted to be a writer of some sort at the time. I was a pretty lonely, awkward teen, so I wasn't great with the ladies.
Just this past fall, that same girl and I shared a relationship just after I'd ended one in summer, and I learned that apparently she'd have asked me to prom our senior year in high school if not for one friend's advice that it would have upset her then-recent ex-boyfriend still in their little group. So I wouldn't have had to ask everyone available and wind up going alone anyway, had that friend shut his mouth. Oh well.
When I started writing here, I was working at Boston Market, simply because now I was legally able and my parents suggested I get a job. I chose the Boston Market near our house, cause it was within walking distance, and seemed slow. Minimum wage was $5.15, and I got $6/hr, but still hated it. Turns out, wasn't as slow as I thought and I made a lot of dumb mistakes. I also caught pneumonia and missed a couple weeks, and when I came back I knew why everyone had assumed I was fired: it wasn't for me. Too much food and people. And I wanted more than minimum wage.
So I quit, and next summer, logically, since I hated food and people so much and wanted more money, got a job at Outback Steakhouse for $2.13/hr. I ended up being a damn good busser, and promoted at least twice there to Take Away/Waiter/Captain, and worked from 2007 to 2010 at least in summers, when I wasn't working for Residence Life at Stephen F. Austin State University from 2009 to last May, where I had also been promoted and received my Magna Cume Laude Bachelor of Arts degree in Radio and Television with a Psychology minor.
Now, after May to October spent searching last year, and October until now to get a decent work week, I work for the production arm of a company called invodo, and could not be happier with where I am, what I'm doing, and the people I work with.
When I started writing, I was a huge Nintendo/Revolution/Wii fanboy, cause though I'd enjoyed my older brother's Playstation 1 and 2 (as well as his NES and SNES and Game Boy when we were kids), my first system to myself was a Nintendo 64 I had received for Christmas in 1997, and the first system I paid for mostly on my own, with my parents pickng up the tax as part of our Christmas arrangement (they had declared bankruptcy, which is why, I found out later, my lawn mowing money they'd given me was going to my Christmas gift) was a Nintendo Gamecube in 2001.
Now, the last gaming system I've received somehow, I want to say Christmas gift, but I can't remember, was a Nintendo DS in 2005, and I still haven't adopted any other current-gen consoles (nope, not even Wii or 3DS), cause I was too focused on college and those expenses, and think I might sit this gen out as well, other than perhaps starting a Steam account. I am no fanboy of anything except fun, friends and my wallet being full.
When I started writing here, I was that awkward teen that seemed to dislike any type of music that was not considered "heavy," and found pop music inferior. That's not entirely true, as I've always liked everything, but I definitely had a giant bias.
Now, it's fairly apparent that I like a bit of everything, and I've become a lot more mature and tolerant of everyone's tastes.
When I started writing here, it was because I wanted to put my thoughts out there to people I didn't know, and to friends who weren't as annoying to talk with as some of those in real life. I wrote about a little of everything, including a couple times writing about crazy parties with those annoying people, being around quite a few druggies and going to a couple wild parties in high school, as well as the tyical movie and games and books and life-in-generalfare I still have one here. I was also rather depressed in the early years of writing here, and needed something productive to take my mind off not getting laid. Bit crass? Good. I was also interested in trying to see if any of my humor was funny to people. It usually wasn't, but here's a blog people seemed to find amusing when I wrote it.
Now, as 1up comes to a close, my life seems to finally be starting, and I'm working towards moving into my first apartment once my amazing job picks up and I can justify the expense in exhange for more freedom. I finally got a car last summer at age twenty two, after graduating college, and I want to keep creating my own way of life, staying in touch with family, but not being dependent on them.
I'm going to miss this place, as it represents six rather tranformative years in my life, and a hell of a lot of great people.
And so, having finished my final thoughts to be broadcast on this website, I leave shout-outs to those I've met through BaD, and those I remember from before, and go to continue archiving and trying to keep in touch once I'm finished.
Again, after that server plug gets pulled, I'll be archiving stuff from here on joemikestep.blogspot.com, my Google+ and Facebook accounts are Jimothy Jackson (on Google, it's a picture of my diploma, on Facebook, an ugly picture of my face too close), and I'll be posting my new stuff in the 1up facebook group, that I will invite you to if you send me an invite on there, and let me know who you are.
Remember, we were all here for the community anyway, and there are other websites to migrate to, although I'll be focusing on facebook's 1up group, cause I won't keep up with too many bookmarks. We can rebuild the part of this site that mattered most to us. We have the technology.
alex-c25 - I appreciated the hell out of finding someone else that shared my passion for movies on here, and as someone who loves finding out about new cultures, I might ask you more about Colombia over on Blogger, and look forward to readng more of your stuff there. We share a lot of the same tastes I think, and it was great having you as a friend on here.
Alice-in-Games - Believe it or not, I remember you from way back when, but I don't think we crossed each other's paths much in the early days, other than a couple times. I very much appreciate that you helped start this BaD business, as it was some of the most fun I've had visiting this site. Keep sharing those cat gifs!
asrealasitgets- Keep enjoying that RPG, and I hope we can both enjoy Luigi's Mansion 2 when it hits.
Bankshot 77, formerly "anti-emo," formerly a bunch of names - You were one of my first friends on here, and I could relate to a lot of your "real life" posts at the time. Thanks for the add.
BigMex - There is simply no comparison to your professional-grade, every day blogs, and your last was absolutely inspiring. Thank you, and I hope you'll be telling us where you'll continue, and am glad we have facebook.
Black-Widow-Spider- You were also one of the people I met at the beginning, and I always appreciated at least one woman that was nice enough to pretend my blogs didn't make me look like a jackass. haha You've always been sweet to me, and I'm glad Facebook's 1up group gives us a way to keep in touch.
bluesteelruns - Another one from the goo ol' days, your name helped me recognize what new genre of music I wanted to create in high school: a very bluesy form of heavy metal called "blue steel." THen I realized just how much blues influence was already in all rock music and kinda just gave up on that. lol
bottled_whimsey - Just met you through BaD, but I've loved talking to you about Australia and other things. Thank you.
Breakfast Pills - I remember you being funny, I think. Then you asked for help with your old Sega Genesis. At any rate, I enjoyed your blogs, and you seem like a cool guy.
BrokenH - I didn't know you had long hair until adding you on Facebook lol. I like that you weren't afraid to write about controversial topics from a controversial standpoint. The world would be boring with only one perspective, so keep doing what you're doing and don't feed the trolls.
Cary Woodham - Believe it or not, I'm also a little fatigued with everything having to be "dark" and "edgy" now a days. Thanks for reminding us all there's nothing wrong with a good hearted person that enjoys the simple fun and lighter side of life.
Chipmunk_Hi - Your profile picture was a chipmunk. That's fucking awesome.
crazycanadian - Formerly FFKilla, I believe. You were Canadian and we got in a lot of arguments. I particularly remember one about whether Harry Potter was an epic. I appreciated having someone t back and forth with.
Cyberxion - I kind of wish you hadn't gotten the flu after that Superman 64 blog, I was looking forward to your other stuff.
darkshadows/GH - WHen you came to 1up, I remember you saying Metal Gear Solid was one of your first games, and you were well over thirty, that game had been out, and you were fighting arthritis just to play these things. You were one badass older guy, and I salute my fellow southerner!
Epic Greenman- I've enjoyed reading your countdown of last gen, and I agree with a lot of your picks.
FAF101 - While I don't know as much about indie games as you do, you are one of the nicest people on 1up, and I've enjoyed meeting you through BaD. Keep building that Hello Kitty collection, and I'm glad we have 1up's facebook group.
Gabe - I forget your username, but thanks for helping start BaD with Alice, wish I had met you sooner and glad we have facebook's 1up group.
glassadam - You were one of the funnier members on here, and I always loved that floating God head profile picture of yours.
halochief_90 - One of the more intellectually minded members, I've enjoyed discusiing books, movies, and anything else with you. Glad we have facebook's 1up group to keep in touch.
homelessrook - You share my tastes for metal, punk, and a goot cat gif, and this makes you a good person.
ignipotentbrendan- Not only were you one of my first and best friends on this website, you're the guy that admins that facebook group I'm using to stay in touch. Matter of fact, years before I knew about that from Alice, you were the only 1upper I had on facebook, just because you were one of the most regular visitors on my blogs and we seemed to get along pretty damn well.
jgusw- While having read some of your posts, I don't know if we'd see eye to eye on everything, I've enjoyed reading your blogs and having you as a friend, fellow Southerner. Keep rocking in the free world.
Cody Winn - The NintendoTheory was a huge part of this site for some time. He enjoyed beanies and I think at one point almost wrote for 1up officially, though I don't think it panned out. One of the most popular bloggers was also one of the nicest people. That says something about the community.
rangergirl -  I'm sorry your computer crapped out during BaD and on 1up's way out. I loved your Folk Friday blog, and wanted to learn more about music, as I always have. As one 1upper pointed out, your experiences as a park ranger made you sound like a real-life Lara Croft, and you're a very nice person to boot. I'm glad we have 1up's facebook group.
Rawhyde- I remember when you and GH were the "gorilla picture" members. I also remember you being funny, adding some lightness to the blogs, and didn't you live close to me in Dallas at the time? I also remember you rightly chewing me out for being condescending to people that didn't know Led Zeppelin, and you pointed out your daughters had different but equal tastes and that I sounded ignorant. Thanks for broadening my horizons with some straight talk.
Redertainment - Your blogs stood out as parody articles, and I enjoyed them. Good luck on your book sales. Also, as a guy from Utah that wasn't Cody Winn, you may have been the only person aside from myself who knew Rocky Anderson was running last election. So voting for him did nothing, at least I can feel good about it. haha
retroyoshi - You represent to me the group of 1uppers that put all pretension aside and had comment and meme wars. At the time, I had dial-up, and found that shit annoying (no offense, it was funny, but after five minutes of loading the comments I'd give up lol), but I've always loved having you as a friend on here, your enthusiasm for jokes, and it's cool having a friend also trying to make his way in the film industry. I'm glad we have 1up's facebook group to stay in touch.
riffcompelsme - A Detroit pizza delivery guy at the time, and a fellow metalhead, you not only shared my frustrations with the food industry, and my love for metal, but even gave me an internship at your start-up blog, gamesmeetmetal.com. I'll make sure to drop you a line as I go back to Blogger. ... Actually, I need to see if you've got something up for 1up's closing down. Well, now I have another stop to make. lol
rmsk8r08- Your sketch blogs were always great, and you're a damn good artist. Hang in there at your current job, and I'm glad we have the 1up facebook group to keep in touch.
rudesam - I enjoyed your Flash cartoon reviews.
San_ANdreas - That Futurama clip is sad ... stop it. lol
smahbro -  Did you ever write a new blog? I don't think you did. I'll still see Asian girl butt if I click over there now, won't I? Yeah, I will.
Sneenlantern - Some of the things you've mentioned about your past, dropping games for drugs and girls sounds mildly similar to my past, and I was also trying to make music as well. Keep it up, and I wish you luck in all you do.
Sorrowful_TRagedy- Having talked in a while, but I liked your poetry. I'll still accept you on facebook, if I see an invite.
spunkyd_99 - Was great meeting you through BaD, and I love your taste in cartoons. Hope we can stay in touch.
WakkaWipeout - I wish I'd have met you before BaD, we seem to be a similar age, and I've loved reading your Nintendo blogs. I swear we'd have a lot in commeon. Hope we can keep in touch.
whats_a_cow- You've got a good sense of humor, and I'll try to keep reading your stuff off 1up, your DmC review in particular was very well-written. I think you know of a good place to promote where I'll see it, *ahem* lol
YaMissed2 - I remember your name being from a list you made where you missed #2 somehow. I also remember a great story about how car companies and economy affected your experience with Nintendos early on. You were a great blogger, and I'm glad we've got facebook's 1up group. I'm far behind you in archiving my stuff haha.
If I missed anyone, let me know, and I'll add you to the list.
See you all on the other side.

Comments:

Pixlbit

Posted: 2 days ago by  genresrforposers
will be my new blog, after all. Sorry for all this confusion.
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  • Sneenlantern

  • 500

    Posted: 2 days ago by  Sneenlantern
    great blog, man. Damn, 500.  You're a better man than I for archiving them.  I can't even consider it.  too much of a hassle.  I'm giving them up to science.  
    Flag | Reply | Delete
    • genresrforposers

    • I deleted the 40 I'd archived

      Posted: 2 days ago by  genresrforposers
      then had a facebook chat with YaMissed2 and realized I too wanted a time capsule. So I archived those 40 + 160 more last night. 300 to go. Thank god this PC is near a cable TV lol.
      Flag | Edit | Delete

  • halochief_90

  • O_O

    Posted: 2 days ago by  halochief_90
    No one's called me intellectually minded before, but it did make me happy! I want to write a send-off to this site and its people but I can't find the words... maybe because it doesn't really feel over with everyone keeping in contact. I will likely be seeing you on facebook and pixlbit!
    Flag | Reply | Delete
    • genresrforposers

    • Ah ok

      Posted: 2 days ago by  genresrforposers
      I take it you're activisionstolemy360? lol
      Nope, pretty sure that was YaMissed2, I see you have your old name and avatar ... lol.
      Flag | Edit | Delete

  • rangergirl

  • 500

    Posted: 2 days ago by  rangergirl
    Well, I'm only 75 behind you. I've got 300 more to archive, it would go faster if I didn't have to compulsively read each one as I back it up.
    Flag | Reply | Delete
    • genresrforposers

    • I know what you mean

      Posted: 2 days ago by  genresrforposers
      whether it was me being a jackass, or comments I was interested in, it took me a while to start just soldiering on and quickly copy/pasting lol.
      Flag | Edit | Delete
    • rangergirl

    • OCD

      Posted: 1 day ago by  rangergirl
      I've hit a point where I'd actually gone back and read a bunch of my blogs a little while ago because I was looking for something specific and it took me about 60 or so enries to find it, so things are going a little faster right now. I had to take a break and do something else, so I booted up Uncharted and died a lot. Now I'm ready to go back to archiving.
      Flag | Delete
    • genresrforposers

    • I'll be archiving through the Oscars

      Posted: 1 day ago by  genresrforposers
      thank God I have a TV near this PC lol. I'd go insane from archiving with nothing around.
      I know what you mean about finding a specific one, but my Ozzfest 2008 blog is good and archived, and I just found it by archiving everything, so I'll continue to do so.

      Flag | Edit | Delete

  • smashbro

  • See ya, man

    Posted: 2 days ago by  smashbro
    Congrats on your job and good luck in life. 1UP was a part of our digital lives. It was awesome.
    Flag | Reply | Delete
    • genresrforposers

    • See ya on Pixlbit, Blogger, Facebook

      Posted: 2 days ago by  genresrforposers
      or not at all. So, I'm totally right about the Asian butt thing, aren't I? lol
      Flag | Edit | Delete

  • retroyoshi

  • Aww, I feel all warm and fuzzy :-)

    Posted: 2 days ago by  retroyoshi
    Thanks for the shout-out, bud :-)  Sorry about all the annoying load times, lol.  No, seriously though, I've been there.  I felt sooo liberated when I moved to high-speed.  So, when did you get rid of dial-up?
    And how do you find out how many blogs you've done?  Feeling like a moron right now, lol.
    Flag | Reply | Delete
    • genresrforposers

    • Roughly 20 posts a page, except maybe your last one

      Posted: 2 days ago by  genresrforposers
      1up puts 20 blog links on each "page" under your blog tab on here, except your last page, which varies based on the number of blogs you've written (it had 19 before I wrote this blog, and 18 before this one for example).
      So multiplying 20 blogs each page times 25 pages = 500
      As for load times, I read an old blog about us getting dial-up, so I know that was in or before 2008, but I couldn't tell you exactly lol.


      Flag | Edit | Delete

  • alex-c25

  • Glad to meet ya Joe

    Posted: 2 days ago by  alex-c25
    And feel free to aks any question about Colombia on Blogger.
    I was kind of similar to you in that, while in my first years I was active, I was a bit cynical and a bit elitist, but exploring new stuff made me lighten up a bit and respect everyone here. But at the same time, I was sometimes afraid to comment because I thought I would make an stupid statement and the same goes for blogging. The good thing is that last year I returned to blogging and became more social in commenting on other people's blog, which it became the time when I met new people.
    I could join the facebook group, but I don't want to use my main account (that is in spanish) and I don't want to get busy with a second account, so I think Pixlbit might be a good option as many 1uppers are moving there. But, i'll do it later cause first, i'm going to chill out at Blogger.
    Flag | Reply | Delete
    • genresrforposers

    • I completely understand, I've also moved to Pixlbit

      Posted: 2 days ago by  genresrforposers
      will still be archiving my 1up blogs on Blogger, and my facebook account I use for the group is not the one I use for my personal friends.
      And I've definitely gotten more social as well.
      See you on the other side, man! (Blogger, Pixlbit, Facebook if you change your mind and make an alternate acct as I did.
      Flag | Edit | Delete

  • Cary Woodham

  • Moving

    Posted: 2 days ago by  Cary Woodham
    I'm debating on moving to PixlBit, IGN, or Giant Bomb.  After previewing it, PixlBit looks real promising.  Of course you can alwasy find me at GamerDad.com.
    Flag | Reply | Delete
    • genresrforposers

    • I did, too

      Posted: 2 days ago by  genresrforposers
      Commented your brother Jeff's FPS review.
      I'd suggest Pixlbit as far as community, I love it so far! Better than 1up in a few aspects and everyone seems to have moved there already.
      IGN is nice for news, but the community? Not my cup of tea; I have an account there: homerbundy, but I don't really use it.
      Flag | Edit | Delete


  • BigMex

  • Who said that was my last?

    Posted: 1 day ago by  BigMex
    We've got many more roads to travel my friend.
    Flag | Reply | Delete
    • genresrforposers

    • Where at?

      Posted: 1 day ago by  genresrforposers
      You can tell me on here or on facebook... though I'd prefer if you said Pixlbit. lol
      Flag | Edit | Delete


  • Wakkawipeout

  • Dude

    Posted: 8 hours ago by  Wakkawipeout
    I know we'd kick it in real life. Radio and Television degree with a minor in Psych? I double majored in Broadcast Journalism and Anthropology. I also grew up a Nintendo fanboy. Man, the arguments I had with people.
    Anyway, thanks for the shoutout man. I'm eyeing Pixlbit for sure.
    Flag | Reply | Delete

  • genresrforposers

  • New Blog, BaD 25

    Posted: 7 hours ago by  genresrforposers
    http://www.pixlbit.com/blog/329/bad_25_was_also_meant_to_be_bigger
    Flag | Reply | Edit | Delete
    • genresrforposers

    • Nah, wanna keep that clean 500 number lol

      Posted: 3 hours ago by  genresrforposers
      but I will be around, commenting and updating this blog to the end. 20 more to archive! :) And I had way too much time on my hands last year, I'm glad to have some taken off and get some checks again finally. lol
      Flag | Edit | Delete

  • Black_Widow_Spider

  • Ye May Not Rot in Hell blog...

    Posted: 3 hours ago by  Black_Widow_Spider
    Holy crap did I write a long ass comment. LMAO! I obviously had too much time on my hands back then. :)
    Thanks for the shout out. I'm glad we'll be able to keep in touch too! :)

    BaD 26 up on the bit

    Posted: 2 days ago by  genresrforposers
    http://www.pixlbit.com/blog/350/bad_26_tunes_tuesday_and_finally_done_archiving
    Flag | Reply | Edit | Delete
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BaD FUBAR Friday: An Easy Way to Keep in Touch Once the Plug's Pulled I know you hate the site, bear with me Feb 22, 2013 12:17AM PST

If you're here from one of my comments on your blog, please not I was trying to make up for the fact I don't think my messages were sending to everyone. Don't think of me as trying to get blog views, I just thought the message would get across better if I brought everyone to this suggestion.
I will get around to commenting everyone's blogs and commenting on comments on my previous post later ... comment. Right now I go in for 9am which means I leave earlier than 8am to avoid traffic, and it's past 2am, and there's a bajillion blogs about the big bad news I can't get to right this minute. I'm also busy backing up my blogs to my blogger account (I'm on 40, out of what as of this blog will be 499 entries, be patient while I try to beat the servers' plug being pulled!)
Speaking of those, everyone has been slinging out links where you can find them once 1up goes under, including myself.
Problem: There is far too much variety in where everyone's going to, and I'm not going to pretend I'll check tumblr, and blogger, and your email, and wordpress, for different people, every day, and I don't have an XBL, PSN, or Steam or Nintendo account to keep up with some of you. If I were to follow everyone at all the different places mentioned, I'd lose track, and frankly I just don't have the time.
Easy Solution, and bear the fuck with me, those of you that hate the site so much: 1up has a group on facebook simply called 1up, where 1up members post in the closed group keep in touch already. I, as a member, can add my facebook friends to the group, so if you give me your facebook name, I'll add you as a friend, then to the group. Then you can link your blogs and thoughts in there for us to comment, and we can maintain the convenience of having ONE stop to make to visit the 1up community.
My facebook name is Joe Mike Step, and feel free to add me as a friend on facebook as long as you message me who you are (your 1up name, or just say "Im so-and-so from 1up"), and *accept the ground rule that in most circumstances (I'm making a special exception so we can all keep up with each other more easily) I keep only people I know/have met in real life on my facebook*, and mostly want to chat with you in the 1up group, or messages, but don't feel like explaining to real life friends who this person with an online user sounding name is commenting some opinion status I posted, so try and use your discretion on what you comment on of mine outside the 1up group.
On second thought, add the alternate facebook account I made today, Jimothy Jackson (or message me on here or facebook to add you) to your facebook friends list, then I'll add you. Makes things easier.

I just think this will make things so much easier for everybody, so we can all still keep in touch with only one trip when we hop on the computer.

Please Read My Following Responses to Expected Gripes
"But I don't want people finding me on facebook."
THEN MAKE AN ACCOUNT WITH YOUR 1UP NAME AND AN AVATAR NONE OF THEM WILL RECOGNIZE, AND MESSAGE ME WHO YOU ARE. (caps was stuck, apologies)
I kind of doubt people I know personally would find me if I still had a picture of my cat near a weight set and only the name genresrforposers. Just keep to posting in the group, and as it's closed, no one will see what you're posting out there in the facebook wild anyway.
"I hate facebook, it's like high school all over again."
Well, if you add all your high school friends, yeah, but follow the above advice and I doubt they'll pester you. Again, you can make up a fake name, avatar without your real face, and just post in the CLOSED group.
"What if my real friends start wondering about my 1up friends I'm adding."
You can hide statuses/activity from public view, and I'm pretty sure this includes stories about friends you've added. If not, just make a new facebook that's not under your real name, as I have.
I just really don't see any downside to this outside of some of you having a certain hatred for any popular social networking sites, and if you can drop that to create an account, or use your current one to let me add you, this keeping in touch business will be a fuckload easier, I think.
If you have any other suggestions of course, I'd love to hear them, but what I'm suggesting is an already established (80 members deep) one-stop-shop, so from my standpoint, it would work pretty well, and I'll have plenty of time to add you over the weekend.
I apologize for my crankiness and language, I just need some sleep. Please fogive this somewhat brash post, and I genuinely ask for your honest opinion on this. Comments ahoy!
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BaD News: Where You Can Find Me Moving blogs will suck Feb 21, 2013 3:48PM PST

So if you haven't heard, Ziff Davis will be closing 1up soon, after it bought IGN which came with a packaged deal that included 1up (or that was my understanding, I haven't read any full articles).
I just created a new (third) Blogger account joemikestep.blogspot.com, where I'll move my blogs from here as much as I can. The title of the blog is "1up Classics by Joe Step."
I'm not sure when 1up will shut down, or if I'll even be able to move everything, but as long as it's still up, I'll try to keep blogging and to move my blogs to Google Blogger.
My Google+ name is "Jimothy Jackson," in case it's easier to just add me to your following circles on GOogle+.
So to recap, if you want to keep in touch, you can add me (Jimothy Jackson) to your following circles on Google+ or got to joemikestep.blogspot.com which is titled 1up Classics by Joe Step.
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BaD Things Thursday: PS4, Oscar Picks and Work Let Me Explain Feb 21, 2013 1:06AM PST

So yesterday I creeped you all out by saying I work at a job where I brush doll hair and watch men strip. I phrased it that way on purpose for laughs, but just so you know, the context behind that is that I work as a production assistant and I was describing shoots for clients from a toy company, and a safety gear company, respectively. Nothing foul is actually going on, just in case you looked at me weird after last blog lol.
Oh, and the Playstation 4 was announced. I literally only know that because of GH and asrealasitgets' blogs; I realized it was an announcement reading GH's blog, and asrealasitgets had a good recap with some pretty pictures and said they were trying some facebook style social networking thing with gaming. I'm not opposed to pretty graphics or facebook (though I know a lot of you are), but I've not heard anything about attempts to essentially ban used copies of games which has been a real hot-button topic around here lately. Hopefully, that's cause they're not dumb enough to try it.
Anyway, I work with people who have worked on movies (at lunch yesterday a coworker was discussing her work on Beautiful Creatures and Olympus, which comes out this month and was filmed in New Orleans she said), and I love movies, and the Oscars are this Sunday, and "Things Thursdays" are my "list blogs," so here is my current facebook Oscar ballot.
It's supposed to be a game in which you try to guess the winners, but I decided to mark what I want to win instead, and just use it as an updating tool on Oscar night. Here goes:
Best Picture - Silver Linings Playbook
Why it's my choice: As someone who's had experience with psychological issues and people who have them, wants nothing more than to find the relationship he's been searching for all his life, and who's favorite stories, especially in movies, are redemption stories, this film hit every personal chord a movie can strike with me. Simply put, it was my favorite of 2012, and it left the biggest emotional impact on me.
What I think will win: Honestly, I think it will win for Best Picture. My next best bet would be Argo, since it's been sweeping up every other awards ceremony, but they didn't nominate Affleck for director, and usually director is a predictor for best picture.

Best Lead Actor - Joaquin Phoenix, The Master
Why it's my choice: While I respect Daniel Day Lewis a great deal, he had some makeup help. With none of that, Phoenix convinced me he was a horny retard in the most captivating way a person can convince you they're a horny retard. That sounds funny, but this isn't a joke, I really do feel Joaquin acted most convincingly unlike himself, without the help of external things like makeup, out of the nominees.
Who I think will win: Daniel Day Lewis, who pretty much became what we understand Lincoln to be; but again, through method and makeup; not criticizing this, he deserves it, but I just found Phoenix's performance more captivating.
Best Lead Actress - Jennifer Lawrence, Silver Linings Playbook
Why it's my choice: Again, personal choice based on emotion, I was drawn to her character's broken and flawed, troubled, but ultimately great personality, and her performace is why it worked. However, in terms of being technically impressive, I'd say Quvenzhane Wallis, as a child actor having to act against special effects, being totally convincing in her role in Beasts of the Southern Wild, and being the youngest actress to ever be nominated, is far and away most deserving. But you know, personal preference. I liked Jessica Chastain a lot as well in Zero Dark Thirty, never saw The Impossible, so can't judge Naomi Watts.
Who I think will win: Jennifer Lawrence has the most buzz as well, so I think she'll win.
Best Supporting Actor - Christoph Waltz, Django Unchained
Why it's my choice: Pretty much every nominee, from DiNero to Tommy Lee Jones to Alan Arkin, is just playing themselves again, except Philip Seymour Hoffman. I wanted to choose based on who never won an Oscar before, but they all have. Waltz actually won recently for his portrayal of basically the same character in that Jewish revenge movie. So why pick him over Hoffman? Personal preference, I was drawn the most to his performance out of any of the nominees. He's great at what he does.
Who I think will win: I want to say Tommy Lee Jones, as the character he was playing had the greatest arc, but we'll see.
Best Supporting Actress - Amy Adams, The Master
Why it's my choice: She went from Office sweetheart to terrifying wife of a cult starter in no time flat. Her performance is both quiet and vicious, and it was the best thing in the movie for me. Easy choice for me. Never saw The Sessions, so can't judge Helen Hunt.
Who I think will win: either Anne Hatheaway who's gotten much buzz about her 15 minutes of hair cutting and breaking down while singing, or Sally Field's amazing portrayal of Lincoln's wife, which she fought to get in spite of her older age. I hope Fields, but could easily be Hatheaway.
Best Animated Film - Wreck-it Ralph
Why it's my choice: I saw all five nominees, cause I happen to like animated movies, and while I like them all on some level, I just loved the way this threw out game references in a way that didn't interfere with the story, and personally I both laughed and almost cried the hardest at this one, particularly at a certain character backstory scene and one involving the smashing of candy, respectively.
What I think will win: Brave, which I'm kind of annoyed by, even though I thought its music and graphics were gorgeous, cause they'll probably only do it cause it's a Pixar movie, and only Pixar movies get awards. Blech. I hope I'm surprised, but not holding my breath.
Best Cinematography - Skyfall
Why it's my choice: The Shanghai (or wherever they were on that river with the orange lights) and Tokyo shots alone make this an easy choice for what I found to be the most visually awesome movie of the nominees.
What I think will win: Life of Pi or Lincoln, which are both also great.

Costume Design - Anna Keranina
Why it's my choice: Never saw it, but of the trailers and movies of nominees I watched, it looked like by far the most elaborately designed costume.
What I think will win: Same movie ... I guess? Not a costume design expert.

Best Director - Steven Spielberg, Lincoln
Why it's my choice: I'm ... not explaining this, you know why
Who I think will win: David O. Russel, to match with Best Picture Silver Linings Playbook
Best Documentary Feature - Searching for Sugar Man
Why it's my choice: Only doc I saw of the nominees, plus iit introduced me to some great music, and one hell of an interesting, humble, and genuine mystery guitar man.
What I think will win: The Invisible War, which actually got legislation passed to further efforts to reduce military rape crimes against U.S. women soldiers, and is the only documentary I heard any buzz about. I'd probably like it if I saw it, and want it to win given that accomplishment. What an achievement.

Best Documentary Short - Inocente
Why it's my choice: This is based entirely on trailers, as I've seen none of the nominees, but this tale of a homeless young girl finding a new path through art reminded me of someone close to me and thus pulled those heart strings. Runner up for me would be Open Heart about a doctor that performs the surgery in Africa.
What I think will win: No idea, never knew these movies existed before filling out ballot.

Best Film Editing - Zero Dark Thirty
Why it's my choice: It's hard to explain, but the editing helps a great deal in the pacing, and keeps this quiet movie chugging along while maintaining a certain sterile quality that helps set up surprises and keeps the viewer focused.
What I think will win: pretty much this. It's a damn well edited film.

Best Foreign Language Film - No
Why it's my choice: Again, based wholly on trailers, this looked like the Chilean version of Argo, but replace the CIA with some ad agency men and a hostage situation with a revolution; it's about how some men revolutionized the country by using advertising techniques to get to the people, and seems to share that same balancing act of humor and seriousness with Argo. Close runner-up would be Canadian film War Witch, about a child soldier in Africa accused of being a witch for surviving a firefight. Both films look great.
What I think will win: No idea, again didn't know of these movies before seeing them on ballot.

Makeup and Hairstyling - Hitchcock
Why it's my choice: Peter Jackson already won for LotR and is doing the same stuff now, Les Mis didn't have out there noticeable makeup jobs, but the guy playing Hitchcock looks just like him thanks to weight and makeup.
What I think will win: same as my pick

Best Original Score - John Williams, Lincoln
Why: Like with Spielberg, you know why
What I think will win: Same as my pick

Best Original Song - "Skyfall" by Adele
Why: Thank fucking Christ we got back to letting a woman sing a Bond theme. Not only that, it's so good in its own right it's right up there with "Goldfinger."
What I think will win: same as my pick
Best Production Design - Anna Keranina
Why: Again, looked by far the most elaborate of the nominees
What I think will win: This or Lincoln... probably Lincoln.

Best Animated Short - Paperman
Why: Only one I saw, as it was the short that played before Wreck-it Ralph, plus it was a great, heartwarming and simple short with a cool mix of 3D and 2D art, plus the other nominees except Maggie's Daycare didn't look that interesting.
What I think will win: No idea, so I'll go with my pick lol.

Best Live-Action Short - Death of a Shadow
Why: Trailer looked coolest of the nominees
What I think will win: No clue

Best Sound Editing - Skyfall
Why: I thought the music and sound effects and everything was edited together quite seamlessly
What'll win: No clue

Sound Mixing - Les Miserables
Why: it's a musical, it needs good sound mixing and has it
What'll win: I'll guess my pick

Visual Effects - Life of Pi
Why: That CGI tiger looked convincing as hell, as did everything else. Close runner-up for me was Avengers.
What will win: probably my pick, but Avengers winning an Oscar would be awesome, and for this particular award, it's not out of the question.

Best Adapted Screenplay - Argo
Why: The script is the biggest reason this balancing act between somber and hilarious works so damn well.
What'll win: I guess my pick

Best Original Screenplay - Moonrise Kingdom
Why: I felt the script helped a great deal with defining the quirky Wes Anderson town and characters, provide laughs and romance, and all scripts do that, but this with a little more pizzaz than other nominees.
What'll win: I think Django Unchained, and hey, well-deserved, it's a great script that mixes revenge, comedy, tragedy, and action masterfully.
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WTF Wednesday: BaD Description of a good job I'm gonna steam shirts at 7am tmorrow Feb 19, 2013 9:17PM PST

Yesterday, I was on a set where there was a man in construction worker clothing who unzipped slowly in front of a camera, and several people were asked to be "fluffers."

My previous job at my current place of work was brushing doll hair while people filmed it.

I can't provide context to this because of a non-disclosure agreement I signed when I got the job, and I won't provide context because my sense of humor doesn't want you to know what actually happened leading to my vague allusions to what sound like porno sets, despite being relatively dry subjects to film in reality.

I love my job.

Now please enjoy these Harlem Shake videos done by my alma mater. I honestly like the one near Surfin' Steve better than the "official" one the athletic department had on the football field, but oh well.

And my senior year, I was the Assistant Hall Director for Lumberjack Landing, the Freshman-only building on campus opened in Fall 2011, when I was promoted to AHD.

Frankly, I think that since I left, along with my asshole-ish/grumpy anti-child ways, my good friend currently running the show has allowed fat, shirtless white boys to become far too bold.

The America I knew and loved is gone.

 

That's all I got.

Ok fine, here are some amusing pictures of cats. Greedy fucking bastards.

 

 

 

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BaD Tunes Tuesdays: Gone Workin' Music for the Daily Grind (BaD 19) Feb 18, 2013 3:51PM PST

In honor of having to wake up today at 4/5am to shower, brush, floss, eat breakfast, and go drive to work at 7am and get out at 12am (no that's not a typo, I work seventeen hours; if you think 4am or 5am sound early your job isn't 35 miles away and doesn't involve northbound I-35E Dallas traffic), and by the way I'm writing this at 4:42pm February 18, central time, and you better believe this is canned cause no way in hell was I worrying about blogging this out before work, I figured I'd dedicate this blog to songs about work and/or sticking it to the boss man.

I'm actually glad I GET to work 17 hours in this economy after a very long period of hunting for every job under the sun after graduation last year, and don't get me wrong I love that I was able to get a job that's even in my field of study and am very lucky for that, but for everyone else working long hours today, here are some songs you might sympathize with. And yes, obviously I'll get back to you when I can for comments and such, but expect delays lol.

Frankly, at this point, working 9 to 5 on week days for a living wage is a damn dream job

Being from Texas, many people assume I like country, and while I do like a few songs here and there, I've mentioned before that growing up I really didn't at all. In grade school I liked pop and pop-rock, in high school hard rock and heavy metal, and in college a bit of everything, but country went in the "everything" pile about as often as jazz fusion, which is to say barely, until my Syrian-Argentinian girlfriend and my older brother got me used to, and in some cases even liking the genre.

Now, I've always liked Johnny Cash, but I consider that more of a 50s rock meets country type of thing, and frankly, most of what I like in country now is not anything close to the super-twanginess of the original country singers who I highly doubt would have penned songs like "Red Solo Cup," and I certainly don't think the typical one man with a guitar style is similar to "Even If It Breaks Your Heart" by The Band Perry.

So a great deal of my current tolerance for country music has at least a little bit to do with its departure from its roots into something with more modern pop and/or rock sensibilities, but I do love at least a couple Dolly Parton songs I never would have heard of before now, and "9 to 5" is one of them, along with "Jolene," which I found out about through a White Stripes live cover on Youtube.

This is the type of country song I like: it's about the daily grind, but its instrumentation and vocalization don't sound like a beaten southerner complaining over a steel guitar noise, rather it has what I like to refer to as a "gospel-style" chorus, where you can almost see the people singing clapping in their Sunday robes, with smiles and an upbeat ryhtm to offset the lyrical subject matter.

In other words, it's a fun country song, and I can't argue with that.

Above: Music by a chipper, clean-cut chap that said nothing offensive about Jesus at any point in his career

Switching gears, or rather completely inverting the mood into an equal and opposite tonal shift from the first song in a dramatically staggering manner, we have John Lennon's "Working Class Hero," an assault on the establishment and "the man" in general.

I mentioned I liked pop-punk quite a bit, and I actually found out about this song from the Green Day cover which ... and I say this as someone who usually prefers the first version of a song I hear, loves covers, has "When I Come Around" as a favorite song of all time, and actually hold a special place in my heart for "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" and the American Idiot album despite its critics... sounds like shit.

This Lennon original on the other hand is a dark, stripped-down, captivating song about feeling as if your personality is meant to be molded by the heirarchy of society rather than yourself, from teachers to bosses, and the struggle for significance in a world making every attempt to belittle you and subdue your true self. Or at least that's what I got out of it.

I think the atmosphere and lyrics hit much harder in this original version, and do a great job of welling up emotions. Of course, it's not cheery and has an f-bomb so maybe dedicating it to the working class and playing it over a college radio station held to FCC regulations wasn't my finest moment working at KSAU in fall of 2011, but no one seemed to notice, so I think we're ok.

Butt Rock at its finest

For those who don't know, Hellyeah is a band formed after Pantera split, and has the singer from Mudvayne and the former drummer for Pantera in its ranks. I actually saw them live at Ozzfest 2008 (as Dallas was its only official stop, it was a good year to like metal and live in Dallas, I have a blog about in on here somewhere way back), and while I'm only a passive fan, the crowd went arguably more insane for them than even Metallica.Which I was grateful for, cause I could actually watch Metallica without being moved everywhere.

This song has more of an edge to it than Dolly Parton's, but it's certainly not as somber as Lennon's classic, finding a happy medium between country and hard rock/metal, as well as one between a good time and an angry flip of the bird to "da man."

The lyrics aren't exactly deep, but it makes for a great TGIF song.

If you're wondering where songs like "Takin' Care of Business" or "Working for the Weekend" are on here, look no further than classic hits radio or your local diner/Hobby Lobby, or just search on Youtube. I like those songs too, but I try to make Tunes Tuesdays about songs you might not have heard before.

But since it's Oscar week, let me list you my favorite movie themes anyway.

"Pirates of the Carribean"

Say what you will about the franchise itself, any time I hear that song I want to either run or fight Keith Richards when he's dressed as a pirate.

"Lord of the Rings"

Epic is the only word to describe the main theme.

"Skyfall"

Not only did it recapture for me that sultry feminine style I missed in the opening credits from the last two Bond films, it's a damn great song in its own right.

Let me know your favorite movie soundtrack pieces, and what songs get you through the daily grind in the comments below!

 

 

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Spoiler Free Side Effects and Blockbuster Summaries Spoiler-Free Mini-Review Feb 17, 2013 10:55PM PST

They're not suspicious of each other, they just have no idea where the fuck that floating Red Cross came from. Except Catherine Zeta-Jones who's preocuppied with either Jude Law or Bugs Bunny.
Yes, Side Effects is a spantacularly awesometastic Inception of "what a twists!" but I can't tell you why other than to say every actor from Channing Tatum to Jude Law to the one Ugandan kid at the start are at the very top of their game, the script seems tight (I at least noticed no plot holes), and the directing is great; as well it should be for Steven Soderberg's "last" film.
Without spoiling it, let me say the first half is rather slow and seems like a heavy-handed message movie, but stick with it and what you'll be left with is, for me at least quite literally, an edge-of-your-seat mystery thriller.
And that's all I can really say without spoilers. If you've seen it and want to talk about it, message me.
But I can't leave Movie Monday so sparse the week before Oscar Night, now can I? But I already did my humorous summaries of the Best Picture Oscar nominees on my Saturday blog (in case you missed it, I'm pretty proud of how it turned out, so go read it if you want a chuckle), so what else can I do?
Why summaries of the non-Oscar movies some of you may have actually seen, of course! I'll mark any with spoilers, don't fret.
So here are my summaries of last year's top nine highest grossing movies of 2012, in order of how much they made according to BoxOfficeMojo.com. Why nine? Cause that's how many Best Picture nominees there are this year, I'm not very creative.
1. Marvel's The Avengers (Spoilers!)
In this billion-dollar grossing megabuster, fans returned in droves to see Robert Downy Jr. play Sherlock Holmes once again, only this time in the future, with a military grade red suit and an off-screen Futurama-style disembodied head version of Watson he now refers to as "Jarvis," due to years of heavy drinking.
Rather than solve crimes, once an alien race decides to invade earth, Holmes must team up with figments of his imagination like the Jolly Green Giant, G.I. Joe wearing American flag spandex, Thor, and for some reason a guy with some arrows and a woman wearing impractical fetish leather.
It's revealed at the end that it was all some kind of heroin-induced fever dream, or at least that's what audiences got out of that random purple guy no one knows about at the end; because who sees that shit without heroin? While comic book fans continue to try and convince everyone that's some guy named Thanos, the rest of us know better.
Shaq, you tried being a comic book character already, just stop
2. The Dark Knight Rises
The beginning of this movie features main villain Bane hijacking a plane.
The rest of the movie is spent at a Congressional hearing about what process lead to the hiring of complete jackasses for the CIA that let him do so, and includes some of the following questions:
"Did they put the bag on over his head with their backs turned, how did they not know it was Bane? Are they retarded?"
"Why in the fuck would you go on a plane ride with hostages if you're going to question them about things you could learn on the ground more easily?"
"That Bane guy gets that where forensics are at now, he pretty much wasted a guy's life, right? We know there was someone in the wreckage."
Then Joe Biden asks a question regarding how he can get cable television to run in a dry well that's 30,000 feet below ground and the rest of the movie is a hearing regarding that creepy fucking question.
What? I'm just having a Superbowl party down there!
3. The Hunger Games

When the tyrannical Capitol realizes that putting on a massive sporting event every year to kill off only a few of the impoverished people from the districts is getting too expensive, they decide to shake the live cameras covering the event really fast in order to try and kill off some of the elderly population by way of motion-sickness-induced purging.
Turns out, it's a dumb plan, and only serves to give District members a mild headache.
Jesus Christ, it looks like that sober?!
4. Skyfall
Being ill-trained and out of shape then stupidly sent on a physically demanding high-stakes espionage mission, Bond dies, the end.
Doesn't Matter, Had Sex
5. The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey
It's literally three hours of an argument with Gandalf that if they had just used the fucking eagles as a means of traveling to start with, they could easily have finished their journey in one movie.
Dwarves are like velociraptors; as long as I don't move they won't see me
6. The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part II
It's the epic conclusion to Stephenie Meyer's popular book and movie franchise, and thespian Michael Sheen gives zero fucks about that fact, as you can see:
I'm a Volturi, bitch!
Also giving zero fucks, the rest of the cast and crew just kind of let him have the out-of-place suit and glowstick cane, and say it was all a dream at the end.
7. The Amazing Spider-Man
Moreso than even Raimi's entries, Andrew Webb's maintenance of Sony's properties decides to really hit home the point of Peter Parker's impoverished surroundings by constantly showing him in a school that clearly can't afford electricity.
Also, they give Denis Leary a badge and a shotgun, because they're poor enough to be that desperate for cops. And yes, it is worth watching for that alone.
New York's Finest: An asshole that parks in handicapped spaces
8. Brave
A redhead girl turns into a bear because that's what happens when you fuck with redheads.
Don't. Fuck. With. Redheads.
What you say about my mama?
I'm about to get Kodak on yo ass!

9. Ted
In this biopic about Mark Wahlberg's life, he smokes weed with a teddy bear in his apartment, watching Flash Gordon all day while still managing to bone hot Hollywood actresses while "Good Vibrations" plays in the background.
Twilight werewolf Taylor Lautner's true story is also featured at the end.
Hey baby, wanna see my "funky bunch?"
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BaD Sports Sunday In Which Sports is Barely a Factor Feb 17, 2013 1:53AM PST

So this Tuesday, my alma mater, Stephen F. Austin State University's athletics department will host a Harlem Shake on the intramural fields (or was it the football field?), while I work in North Dallas from 7am to 12am. Lucky bastards, still get to go to college.

Anyway, here's one they already did without me near campus landmark "Surfin' Steve," which was posted on the hilarious SFA Confessions facebook page I troll regularly.

Not the biggest school or best quality video, but I thought it was pretty good.

And then the athletics dept. will host one this Tuesday. That's all I got for "sports."

But hey, I like hockey, even though I don't watch it that often, so for those still enjoying the recent-ish end to the NHL lockout (also, Canadians, as this band is), here's this metal song about hockey.

If you see this congrats, it means you're reading my blog late at night, cause I've decided to milk my Satire Saturday blog due to pride

 

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BaD Satire Saturday: Oscar Edition My Lame Attemp at Humorous Reviews, When I Got Nothing Feb 16, 2013 3:01PM PST

Tonight, I'll be seeing Steven Sodherberg's (I'm almost certain that spelling is incorrect, but I already have three tabs open on buggy ass 1up, so I'm not looking it up) supposed "last" film, Side Effects, starring Chaning Tatum, Catherine Zeta Jones and other people I can't bother to imdb right now.
But next week? I'll be watching the Oscars, of course. Speaking of which, I just filled out my ballot on facebook this week, if any of you have me on there and want to compare who has the most winners picked correctly. In all honesty, I just voted for what I wanted to win, not who I thought would win, just so I could see how many of my picks got the gold, but it might be interesting to compare with others' picks.
Anyway, since I know a lot of people haven't actually seen the nominees, and told me as much when I put them in my personal order of choice this past Monday, I thought I'd summarize the movies for all of you, so you could get a better idea what these Best Picture nominees are all about.
Say Quvenzhane Wallis three times real fast!
In this film, a small child named Hushpuppy, living in a place called "The Bathtub," a literal giant bathtub floating near New Orleans, must convince a herd of aurochs living closest to the faucet side of the tub that their tradition of throwing beads at female aurochs for sexual favors is wrong, because it causes hurricanes.
She faces opposition from an auroch named Jim-Bob, who insists that she is being ridiculous and that only anal sex has ever led to natural disasters.
Finally, Hushpuppy and Jim-Bob learn to get along after discovering that really, it's people that touch themselves at night that cause tornadoes, ladies of the night working street corners that cause hurricanes, and transgendered individuals holding sporting events that cause volcanoes.
The film has been awarded the "Major Achievement in Bringing Scientific Truth to Hollywood" trophy by Liberty University.
You will believe that a tiger on a boat can get a bit dull
After being shipwrecked, an Indian boy and a tiger named Richard Parker must learn to cope with boredom, hunger, and as the young boy is a vegetarian due to a mix of religions that makes absolutely no goddamn sense, eating stale biscuits.
The two become good friends over a game of poker and, exhausted from a day out at sea, decide to watch Ang Lee's Hulk as it plays on a small DVD device with a screen the young man forgot he had.
The two agree that while the CGI effects were impressive for the time, the middle part could have used some editing, and fall asleep, the rest of the movie depicting, in real time, their drift to shore.
"If we take some skin from your butt, and inject it into your face, you might look like you're not dying after all."
In this movie, a couple crotchety grandparents try to get both their grandchildren and a pesky camera crew to leave them alone while they slowly die.
They are mostly unsuccessful, but do manage to keep the final product of the camera crew's efforts from reaching anyone who lives in the United States outside of the New York and Los Angeles areas.
"I like redheads, but I'm more of an ass man myself. I don't know if I can trust a skinny woman."
In this story, based on the firsthand accounts of several people the film crew never actually met with, it's discovered that one of Osama bin Laden's tapes references a South Park episode that declares gingers have no souls.
When a CIA agent played by Jessica Chastain sees this, she flies a military helicopter into bin Laden's hideout by herself, cripples and kills several people inside using only a baseball bat, waterboads the ones still living, then drinks the blood of them and Osama after slowly finishing the job with a butter knife.
It's a powerful tale of why no one should ever fuck with a redheaded woman.
Remember Face/Off with Nicolas Cage?
He probably doesn't.
In this biopic about every cracked.com reader's life, Robert DiNero plays a gambling Philidelphia Eagles fan with OCD, Jennifer Lawrence sleeps around after rebounding from her significant other's recent death, Bradley Cooper is bipolar, and Chris Tucker is the only black guy I remember seeing.
The only complaint from most fans is the questionably unethical decision to replace what actually happened with a happy ending, and a new relationship, when it actually involved Bradley Cooper's character being friend-zoned and Lawrence's real-life counterpart sleeping with an Abercrombie & Fitch model she said was an annoying douchebag just a week ago.
He ate peanut butter sandwiches before every take to get that voice
Based on the Broadway musical adapted from the novel, Tom Hooper shows how the French opposed their government by building a slightly-larger-than-average fort made of wooden objects on one small street corner, then being easily killed in protest.
It also features Anne Hatheaway cutting her hair, Hugh Jackman making Russel Crowe his bitch by way of traditional Australian singing contest, and a few documentary clips of Sacha Baren Cohen at his day job as a 19th century French inkeeper.
Joe Biden's Take on a Romney Presidency
In this movie, Quentin Tarantino ditches his script and just lets Samuel L. Jackson, Jamie Foxx, Christoph Waltz, and Leonardo DiCaprio play themselves.
After filming, the shocked cast and crew, along with the state of Louisiana, decided never to let Leonardo DiCaprio do that again.
Obviously, by "that," no one is implying DiCaprio is actually a slaver, but that it is simply indecent for a man to drink out of a coconut with a straw in it in front of other men. Everyone was a little creeped out by it.
Four Score and Seven Years Ago, people misheard me and thought by "vampires" I meant "black people"
In this movie, Daniel Day Lewis disappears into and practically becomes a man, while Tommy Lee Jones plays himself and manages to get the 13th Amendment passed by doing so and hurling southern-sounding insults.
Also, James Spader is a slimy lobbyist, and Joseph Gordon Levitt plays an earnest wanna-be Confederate soldier or cop or young buck criminal or something. 
Like with Tarantino's Django, Spielberg just decided to let everyone play themselves and see what stuck, but ultimately edited out the final scene in which Tommy Lee Jones becomes a vampire, as it was deemed innaccurate and insensitive.
Interesting Fact: "Argo fuck yourself" was actually the standard greeting used by construction workers in Boston, Massachussets, well before the film's release
Finally, in this period piece about the Carter presidency, John Goodman finally gets to live out his dream as a make-up designer, Bryan Cranston is still playing the dad from Malcolm in the Middle, but as if he were a CIA agent, Alan Arkin walks on set several times to tell people to go fuck themselves, and Affleck decides to leave it in, while himself promoting longtime friend Matt Damon's liberal ideals by stealing the job of a Latino man.
The twist ending involves a rag-tag group of wild and wacky Canadians beating a team of Iranians at a game of curling to win both the Iranian hostages, and the heart of Sandra Bullock.
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