Friday, February 22, 2013

Part 2 Jun 25, 2007 4:14PM PST

Part 1 (link to my opinion edit on second thought) Prologue now defunct, message for pre-debauchery details. Part 2: Unfortunately, after the previous week's nonstop debauchery my expectations for weekend 2 had not been entirely sated. As a matter of fact I don't even remember what made us so bored before we went on our way to pick up Steve-O. Hell, there's a perfect possibilty penguins were involved in this somehow and I just chose to ignore it. Or mastodons, that would be cool. Anywho if you haven't guessed by the random mammal/kind-of-bird references, our plan to solve boredom (and being American teens simultaneously thought this was the solution to all emotional, spiritual and ocassionally power crisis related problems, though the latter should probably be reserved for a fix-it-with-sex plan B) was to get piss-Anna Nichole drunk. Now for some reason I remember that events preceding obtaining the alcohol involved a trip to Blockbuster and Adict had somehow already managed to get a wee bit tipsy. Being that he was the only one with a license, this wasn't good and me and Aussie had decided to tackle him and take away the keys. You'd think this would upset the clerks but as it turns out they switched out security tapes to host bets on who could drink molasses the fastest as their managers were gone in the later night hours. It didn't hurt that only we were there, either. Anyway we eventually just let Adict drive and as it turns out, not as tipsy as we thought. We got back to Adict's house and I was surprised at how we were getting the alcohol into Adict's flask: at the sink about 2 feet away from where Adict's family was preoccupied with a movie (it was a thriller that's title had something to do with a garden). We managed to mix some Crown, Tequila, and Vodka into the flask and also made sure to take a couple Budweiser's and Rockstar energy drinks. We weren't exactly sure where we were going, so we stopped at that ol' central hub, Starbucks and decided to prank call Steve-O. It was just great how he bought that we were in his house smoking marijuana right that second (he was with his girlfriend away from this house): "Dude get out of my house!" "Oh holy shit Steve-O I think your mom's coming" "Dude, get out of my house!" "Ah never mind man she's cool with it" "What?" "Yeah she's rolling a joint with us right now" "Dude what the hell? Mom, tell em to get out!". Oh yes, that last part was met with a whole lot of laughter, only to be revived by the fact Steve-O later realized we were joking which solidified that he hadn't known that. Somewhere along the lines, we decided to pick up Steve-O and he remembered that there was one kid who always pretended to be hosting a party and Steve-O boasted he stole from all the time since this kid never actually threw those parties: Steve-O just promised to invite a lot of people to boost this kid's ego. He called this wanna-be party boy who from what I heard from the cellphone conversation was already boasting huge party plans and saying to come over to his house for a good time. When we arrived at this guy's house, not only did it look empty of people but the bare bones room we entered into as we came inside made me think Steve-O wasn't lying about the ease of robbery. We sat down on a couch and started drinking, mixing already hard liquor with Buds and Rockstars and to my surprise this tasted very good, which made me very pissed at Steve-O for drinking most of it. We were still bored however and decided to get away from this kid's house, but not before we threw empties on his lawn and drove off speedily for reasons I don't remember. In a lovely turn of events Steve-O had remembered something: "Oh shit" "What, what is it Steve-O?" "I forgot I put acid on my gum before I drank that shit". The best part of this was Adict heckling the hell out of Steve-O: "Dude are you horny?" "Dude yes I want to take my cloithes of RIGHT NOW and just... holy shit did you see that leprechaun!" (yes he actually saw a damn leprechaun). The worst part was Steve-O's ocassional break from horny into heatedly mad and trying to stab other backseat passengers (me) with an imaginary knife. Adict made sure to take a picture of Steve-O's huge pupils. We finally made it back to Adict's house and were still a bit bored, and thusly decided to play a game of War with Adict's Playboy deck (the fact the women were clothed was strange to me, why bother having a playboy deck if they're dressed? eh). We brought up bottles of Tequila and Crown and every time a person drew the lowest card (mine was rigged with 2's which I caught onto sadly late since Adict and Aussie had arranged the deck) had to take a shot when it happened. I ended up taking about oh... 18 shots with no chaser (well ok there was chaser but it was this nasty version of 7up that may as well have been alcohol) I was surprised at how long it took me to get drunk, and at a certain point Adict's prompts of "just one more" were too appealing to me. And for some reason I was fully aware I could die since this was my first time getting drunk but yet I didn't care given my life at the moment. It was either this or suicide I was thinking and this was a much better option. Later on it wasn't quite as enjoyable when I found out how violent of a drunk Adict was, but it would be fun discussing this as an ongoing in-joke later on. You see Adict was convinced.... that he was King Arthur. He actually had the speak too "Thou shalt not resist, thou shalt DIE!" at which point he took his belt off and started attempting to whip me and Aussie. When we tackled him to control him, his red face and panting was made even more disturbing by the white noise coming from the Xbox. Finally, King Arthur retreated to the bathroom, where he vanquished the evil inside of him with his own sword. Afterthoughts on Part 2: Hmm, this one skips around quite a bit too. Thing is if this were a novel I'd draw out the characters more and give better transitions but for a blog it's a bit overlong as is. Anyway the morning following Adict and Aussie finally managed to beat Area 51 and the ending prompted the response "that's it?! That's what we've been working on?!" And on the football field later that day, Aussie and I were having fun making light of King Arthur's attack on drunken kingdom and one of our football friends asked "Dude, can I get drunk with you so I can see if you turn into Abe Lincoln? We need to talk about this you could be obtaining spirits from historical fugures"

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