Friday, February 22, 2013

Why I'm Agnostic Feb 22, 2008 10:16PM PST

At the begginning of time, a wise man named Atlas realized what it meant to sin. It was any action carried out for the prosperity of one human being that irreprably damaged another, and perhaps society as a whole.

Stealing was wrong, for it overcomplicated the economy and caused poverty. Killing was wrong because it rid the world of practically useful people (someone had already found a cure for cancer but the tribesmen thought he was getting close to "playing God" and decided to take his life as a sacrifice to their sympathetic and life-giving master... irony's a bitch).

But when that wise man tried to relate these ideas to people, people asked who had died and made him king, and because they were curious they began asking irrelevant questions such as why the sky was green (as grass was reffered to as the sky in those days). So to please the village idiots he told them the sky, the water, and the law each had an assigned god; one of these gods had risen to power by bullying underlings with a lightning bolt he made with some gum, a coconut radio, and several pieces of string, a technique that would later be used by the god of detective work.

But the village idiots wondered why these gods acted so much like them and why the Roman government was filled with pricks if they were really there by sacred right. And the lightning storm as punishment just wasn't that scary any more as Zues was a horrible shot anyway, never being able to aim in the same spot.

So the wise man told the village idiots that there was a giant robed man who would burn them all in eternal flame if they dared have sex in any other than the missionary position (why the wise man was even on this subject, few knew).

The people bought it until another wise man stood up and asked "why don't we just decide what's wrong based on our own logic, human condition and understanding?"

And the people replied "because anyone who bases their opinions on something as abstract as logic is either retarded or full of shit".

Atlas sighed.


Inspired by

which was inspired by extremist Shirley Phelps. So original the human race.

Note: Remember I'm Agnostic, so I'm not 100% on board with there being no God. My stance is simply I don't know and neither do you so shut up and focus on the now.

Edit 2: Speaking of Shirley Phelps, if she's homeless I think we found Frescho11

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