Friday, February 22, 2013
Ye May Not Rot in Hell..... But at a certain point, your already there Nov 08, 2006 7:46PM PST
Regina(tired of saying Black Widow), I left you a response last blog. Now on to a comedic look at why The Ten Commandments might make more sense than you thought. 1. No false idols(statues that worship things not God). Why it makes sense: Remember that time you decided to get a little "creative" and make a flaming statue dedication to Satan? ..... well then you remember the part where Smokey the Bear reminded you only YOU could stop forest fires... and ran the hell out of there and called you a dumbass. 2. Don't take God's name in vain. Why it makes sense: Look God has a lot of other African things to worry about that AREN'T your Safari Cargo Pants, and when you say "My God!" he thinks your calling him for something important, not what your actually saying: "My God there's so many pockets!" Why does this matter? What do you think would happen if you called Batman to tell him how much weight you lost while he was fighting AIDs: The Animatronic Intellectual Disease monster? THE WHOLE OF GOTHAM CITY WOULD BE ITCHY IN IT'S GOTHAM CITY! You do the math of what happens when you distract @3$!)(*&in' God! 3. Keep the Sabbath Holy. Why it's important: It has a kind of loose translation.(hint: \m/) :) 4. Honor Your Father and Mother Why it makes sense: Because Britney Spears' dad could use some help right now. 5. You Shall Not Murder Why it makes sense: Because you, butterfinger, apparently can't even differentiate between an alien and a friend in a freakin' videogame! Jimmy, keep the HELL away from real guns. 6. You Shall Not Commit Adultery Why It Makes Sense: Because you are NOT good at it enough to persuade "the other one" out of HER marriage. For the love of God keep the somewhat guarantee of sex while you can. 7. You Shall not Steal. Why It Makes Sense: Turn on your TV. Tune it to channel 4. Start watching America's Most Wanted. Got that? Good.... now look outside. THAT'S WHY! 8. You Shall not Bear False witness against your neighbor Why it makes sense: As it turns out, he's bigger than the average American prison guard. And now he's pissed. Thanks for that. 9. You shall not covet your neighbor's wife. Why it makes sense: You can't keep making your friends believe that's ranch dressing on the couch next to the window. Even worse: your fratboy friends will eat ranch dressing no matter where it is. Strippers may have a name for this that ends in sandwich, but it sure as hell doesn't begin with ham. 10. You shall not covet your neighbor's house Why it makes sense: Because that #$@!er is WAY too hard to number 7.